I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
