I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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