The maid of honor just puked.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
