Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think my moral compass just broke
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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