The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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