this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
