he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
