But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want nice things and good sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
