yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
