did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
