too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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