Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
