It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
