i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
