Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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