I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
