Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
