i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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