Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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