Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He felt like a one man threesome
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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