Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No subtext here. People are naked.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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