but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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