Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
third nipple confirmed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
