I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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