Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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