That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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