i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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