I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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