Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
