More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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