champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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