And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
