Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
