I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
