Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
