i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
