On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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