about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
