My friends, they love my intelligence
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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