4 words: hood of his car
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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