I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
