Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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