i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
