i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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