You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
