Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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