I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
