Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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