dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
