I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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