PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
