Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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