Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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