He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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