I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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