Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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