I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
