we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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