I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
