tequila makes me forget i have legs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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