I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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