My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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