after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
