I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
