I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
