I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
