Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize