Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
