I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize