the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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