Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
