I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
