No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
